this one's optimistic

I was at work last night and I found myself very depressed. You see, I have a cold right now, a mean one that prevented me from even wanting to have a drink on New Year's Eve. I would have loved to not work last night, but my co-workers are too selfish; concerned more with their own plans of partying than my plight. It occurred to me that the people I work with won't do a favor unless it's somehow advantageous to them. And I fear I am falling into the same frame of mind.

New Year's Eve is always particularly hard for me. This year I looked back on 2005 and realized that I've accomplished nothing. I am a year older (I will be 27 this June - a stone's throw from 30) and still stuck in a loser job that I hate, I am unhappy with my living situation, and I seem to have no means to resolve any of this.

Don't get me wrong, there is good. I love my girlfriend, I love my family, and I love my friends. There is beauty in the world - everything from a VW Bus decorated in Christmas lights to a Monet to the guitars in a My Bloody Valentine song. But all that is going to be there no matter what I do. By not changing my life, I am sending out a message that I am content with what's good and I don't care to improve it. This is not true, but I can't seem to empower myself to make a change for the better.

For the last two weeks, I have contimplated quitting my job every day. I am afraid that by working there, I am stuck in a rut of being content with what I have. I wonder, if I quit my job, will it force me to make a change for the better? Or at least some kind of change because what I have right now isn't working. Do I quit before I have another job? Or do I toil away, hoping a new job falls into my lap before I sever ties with Pondo?

So as I was the last server at work last night, having selflessly sent everyone else home eventhough I was the sick one, I realized that I am too good for what I have. I am too smart, too considerate, too well spoken to have peers who care only for partying and getting laid. There are more important things in life, and I will attain them, and this year I resolve to at least take one step in the right direction.

So long Pondo, so long bad life.

"I am the resurrection" -- Ian Brown of the Stone Roses