this one's optimistic

I was at work last night and I found myself very depressed. You see, I have a cold right now, a mean one that prevented me from even wanting to have a drink on New Year's Eve. I would have loved to not work last night, but my co-workers are too selfish; concerned more with their own plans of partying than my plight. It occurred to me that the people I work with won't do a favor unless it's somehow advantageous to them. And I fear I am falling into the same frame of mind.

New Year's Eve is always particularly hard for me. This year I looked back on 2005 and realized that I've accomplished nothing. I am a year older (I will be 27 this June - a stone's throw from 30) and still stuck in a loser job that I hate, I am unhappy with my living situation, and I seem to have no means to resolve any of this.

Don't get me wrong, there is good. I love my girlfriend, I love my family, and I love my friends. There is beauty in the world - everything from a VW Bus decorated in Christmas lights to a Monet to the guitars in a My Bloody Valentine song. But all that is going to be there no matter what I do. By not changing my life, I am sending out a message that I am content with what's good and I don't care to improve it. This is not true, but I can't seem to empower myself to make a change for the better.

For the last two weeks, I have contimplated quitting my job every day. I am afraid that by working there, I am stuck in a rut of being content with what I have. I wonder, if I quit my job, will it force me to make a change for the better? Or at least some kind of change because what I have right now isn't working. Do I quit before I have another job? Or do I toil away, hoping a new job falls into my lap before I sever ties with Pondo?

So as I was the last server at work last night, having selflessly sent everyone else home eventhough I was the sick one, I realized that I am too good for what I have. I am too smart, too considerate, too well spoken to have peers who care only for partying and getting laid. There are more important things in life, and I will attain them, and this year I resolve to at least take one step in the right direction.

So long Pondo, so long bad life.

"I am the resurrection" -- Ian Brown of the Stone Roses

how green day ruined music

I was born in 1979, a true child of the 80's. But I did all my real growing up in the 90's. So I was there when Nirvana broke the mainstream, and I cheered as Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains followed. I thought Stone Temple Pilots were a cheap rip-off of the afformentioned bands, but I learned that they were unique to the scene also. The decade pressed on; the music flourished.

And then in 1994 Green Day released their first major label album Dookie.



There is no dictionary entry for the word "dookie" but people have widely accepted that it is a slang term for feces, much akin to the word "shit".

Back to the record. This aptly titled release spawned a whole new genre of music which we new call "pop-punk". Pop-punk is easily recognized by it's catchy hooks laden with 80's punk-ish guitar and non-sensical lyrics. An example from Dookie:

"Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise
I'm so damn bored I'm going blind
And I smell like shit"

How stimulating (har har).

Anyway, it's this kind of drivel that has completely ruined music. Right around this time my beloved grunge started to die away, and the entire landscape of pop music changed. Similar bands started popping up - The Offspring, blink-182, Presidents of the United States of America and later The Vines, Sum 41 and Simple Plan. The line between mainstream and alternative was skewed even further. People began to think that listening to Bowling for Soup made them alternative; the fact of the matter is people are listening to that because it's being shoved down their throats.

I was at Barnes & Noble with Melissa a few months ago. She was skimming over some music magazine, Spin or something or other, and showed me a few articles. All it did was tell me how great Deathcab for Cutie, The Killers and Franz Ferdinand are. Wait a minute, those are the "alternative" acts that are supposed to be all popular with the underground right? So is it alternative or is it pop? Is there even a difference??

In closing, I would like to once again thank Green Day for ruining music.

i'm lame

My life is really boring these days.

No really, I haven't updated here because I just have nothing to talk about. Nothing!

So I'll just give some advice, or really more of a suggestion. Go get caught up on your Strong Bad Email! And if anyone can inject a little excitement into my life, by all means do so.


**edit** I've set this blog to only allow comments from registered users, sorry if this is a problem for anyone. But this spamming is total bullshit.

links of the day

Kevin Shields and Belinda Butcher of My Bloody Valentine.

Check out Tremolo or To Here Knows Web for bios, downloads, lyrics, everything about this Irish-British quartet that revolutionized rock music in the late 80's and early 90's.

mortality and technology

I have been depressed.

Sometimes it's easy to be depressed. Easier than it is to be jovial anyway. Depression hit me a few years ago when I was living alone and my girlfriend left me, and it relented until long after I was over her. But I have been past that for a long time, and while I am not generally happy about things like my job and living situation, I wouldn't say I have been depressed.

Birthdays are another time where it's easy to be down on oneself. My 25th birthday, that was June of last year, was especially bad. I didn't have a girl, just started a job I was not thrilled about, and felt like I had no chance at a good future whatsoever. But I got over it in a couple weeks when I came this close to hooking up with a really attractive girl when I was visiting my cousin in Chicago. And I'm sure the added confidence helped me when I met Melissa, and she has been fantastic for me, keeping me good and happy for this last year.

But about two weeks ago a strange thing happened to me. I was at work, doing nothing abnormal. I was walking from one station to another - a good 15 foot walk. I took a step and I heard a *pop* in my left hip. Ouch! And yeah, to make a long story short, I've been limping around ever since. I've seen a couple doctors, nothing shows up on x-ray. I've missed some work and even when I do go in I feel generally useless. This is where the depression sets in... I feel old; mortal. I used to be quite the athlete - I felt indestructable - and now I can barely stand to be on my feet for an hour. It's killing me from the inside right now but I think I'm healing, so things are looking up.

And things are definately looking up. I did something for me about a month ago; I bought myself a computer! It's pretty frickin' sweet, I'll spare the specs but it really moves. And games just look gorgeous on it. Half-Life 2 is especially fun (anyone out there play HL2? I'd love to get some Deathmatch going sometime). I suppose having a new computer to type on is what resparked my interest in my so-called blog here.

I also got a cell phone today. About 6 hours ago actually, and I couldn't be happier. I had a cell phone back in '99, but I fukt that up by not really paying for it (oops!). So I've gone without one since then, until I sprang the idea of a family plan on a few members of (you guessed it!) my family. If anyone out there is interested in having my phone number, just email me.

Oh yeah, and I have a picture of the gorgeous Melissa for you all.

the most loveliest person i know

I know what you're thinking, and I swear she is well above the legal age of consent.

Alright, I'm going to go download ringers or something, talk to you guys later.

in need of male bonding

So a lot has been happening in the months prior to my previous post. I only got to touch on a very few things, but I think it's time to give another update.

First off, I am need of some friends. Guys. Or a guy. Someone with whom I can discuss sports, video games, boobs, music, books, movies... did I mention boobs? Someone with whom I can go to the batting cages, or go see an action flik (I heard Batman Forever was cool as hell). Someone with whom I can sit at a bar and bullshit about politics or family or teenage pregnancy or how everyone is crazy with their cell phones. Someone who can appreciate the sound of gas being passed.

What happened to my other friends you ask?

I have had two very good friends for the past few years; Steve and John. The three of us were practically inseperable. Then last November or so Steve started seeing my sister. He faded out of my life and into her's, which was all rather shocking. There was conflict between the two of us and sis and certain events transpired that made it clear that Steve was no longer my friend first. He was Gwen's boyfriend first and my friend second. Eventhough it's caused me much stress over the past months, I have refrained from opening up about here because I didn't want either of them to see how negatively this all effected me. I've come to realize that they don't care about what's going on with me enough to want to see my blog. So they aren't even aware and that's just fine. I'll spare any more details; maybe someday I can dedicate a post to it.

Then there's John. In June, he up and moved to Virginia. Yeah, that's right. Two people he knows, people he met at a bar and was only friends with because they played on pool leagues together, had moved down there a few months prior because of some military stationing thing. Well, Johnny decided going to bars six nights a week in Bay City was not an effective way to change his life, so he went to live with them without even thinking it over. With around $190, a car with no insurance that barely runs, a few articles of clothing, his Playstation 2, and a cat, he drove to Virginia. His cell phone was promptly shut off. Yeah, nice planning. To be fair, he is working now and his phone is back on, but he still hits the bar a couple times a week and has no intention of moving out of his friends' place.

My cousin Eric (whose 1 year anniversary to his lovely wife Megan is on August 22) would be the only other guy I am comfortable with like I am with John and was with Steve. But he lives in Pittsburgh, so it's not like we can just go for a drink now and then.

With all that said...

I am now taking applications for the position of "New Best Friend". To submit your application, click on the 'Contact Me' link to your right, enter the subject heading "I Want to Be Your Friend", and copy / paste the following questionaire into the email. Or just reply to this thread. Answer all questions thoroughly.


*Do you have a penis?

*Do you live in within 20 miles of Bay City, MI? If not, are you willing to make the commute to hang out? Because I sure as hell am not.

*Do you like sports? If so, tell me which ones you play, which you watch and which ones are not actually sports (i.e. NASCAR, WNBA).

*Which did you enjoy more, Bridget Jones's Diary or Mortal Kombat (the movie)?

*Do you like boobs? Elaborate on your favorites, provide images if possible.

*You arrive at the bar. What do you do first?
a) Go to the bar and get a pitcher to share with the group.
b) Find a place to sit and wait for the waitress so you can order yourself a Fuzzy Naval
c) Spot the hottest girl and stare at her, never losing sight of her for the rest of the night.
d) Immediately begin to complain about how this place sucks.

*You are a passenger in my car. Something by Bryan Adams comes on the radio, but I don't seem to have noticed. Do you...
a) Let it go. Never mess with another man's car stereo.
b) TURN THE FUCKIN' CHANNEL ASAP!
c) Start to sing along.

* Provide three (3) personal references in the following format.
Name
Address
Telephone Number
Relationship
Years Known

* Now write a short essay on why you would make a good friend.

Congratulations! You have taken the first steps toward becoming my New Best Friend. I will be carefully reviewing all applications and will be contacting people for interviews later this week.

yep, me again

Refer back to last posting: I totally fell flat on keeping this updated. Ah well, I knew it would happen. I just hope no one has been holding their breath waiting for this post. They would be long dead by now...

So I got promoted at work. Kinda. I'm now the trainer for the waitstaff. I don't actually get paid more (unless I am actually training) but I do get around 35 hours a week now, so there is some fiscal compensation. I still don't like going and I'm still looking for more gainful employment. I applied at The Atrium, a more upscale restaurant downtown. I also submitted my resume to XO again. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed on both.

Melissa and I are going on a year now. It's been great. Definately the highlight of my Ponderosa career was meeting, dating, and loving her. We're thinking about getting an apartment within the next couple of months... but we'll have to see where our finances are then. I'm really hoping XO calls this time.

She and I have gone to a few concerts in the last couple months. Duran Duran in Toronto was incredible. Garbage at State Theatre in Detroit was awesome. And next month it's Coldplay with Rilo Kiley at DTE. Music has been great lately with new CD's from Gorillaz and Coldplay, Live 8 was excellent, and all these shows. Just waiting on news for a Radiohead tour / album...

I have to run off to Pondo now, hopefully I'll give another update soon.