in need of male bonding

So a lot has been happening in the months prior to my previous post. I only got to touch on a very few things, but I think it's time to give another update.

First off, I am need of some friends. Guys. Or a guy. Someone with whom I can discuss sports, video games, boobs, music, books, movies... did I mention boobs? Someone with whom I can go to the batting cages, or go see an action flik (I heard Batman Forever was cool as hell). Someone with whom I can sit at a bar and bullshit about politics or family or teenage pregnancy or how everyone is crazy with their cell phones. Someone who can appreciate the sound of gas being passed.

What happened to my other friends you ask?

I have had two very good friends for the past few years; Steve and John. The three of us were practically inseperable. Then last November or so Steve started seeing my sister. He faded out of my life and into her's, which was all rather shocking. There was conflict between the two of us and sis and certain events transpired that made it clear that Steve was no longer my friend first. He was Gwen's boyfriend first and my friend second. Eventhough it's caused me much stress over the past months, I have refrained from opening up about here because I didn't want either of them to see how negatively this all effected me. I've come to realize that they don't care about what's going on with me enough to want to see my blog. So they aren't even aware and that's just fine. I'll spare any more details; maybe someday I can dedicate a post to it.

Then there's John. In June, he up and moved to Virginia. Yeah, that's right. Two people he knows, people he met at a bar and was only friends with because they played on pool leagues together, had moved down there a few months prior because of some military stationing thing. Well, Johnny decided going to bars six nights a week in Bay City was not an effective way to change his life, so he went to live with them without even thinking it over. With around $190, a car with no insurance that barely runs, a few articles of clothing, his Playstation 2, and a cat, he drove to Virginia. His cell phone was promptly shut off. Yeah, nice planning. To be fair, he is working now and his phone is back on, but he still hits the bar a couple times a week and has no intention of moving out of his friends' place.

My cousin Eric (whose 1 year anniversary to his lovely wife Megan is on August 22) would be the only other guy I am comfortable with like I am with John and was with Steve. But he lives in Pittsburgh, so it's not like we can just go for a drink now and then.

With all that said...

I am now taking applications for the position of "New Best Friend". To submit your application, click on the 'Contact Me' link to your right, enter the subject heading "I Want to Be Your Friend", and copy / paste the following questionaire into the email. Or just reply to this thread. Answer all questions thoroughly.


*Do you have a penis?

*Do you live in within 20 miles of Bay City, MI? If not, are you willing to make the commute to hang out? Because I sure as hell am not.

*Do you like sports? If so, tell me which ones you play, which you watch and which ones are not actually sports (i.e. NASCAR, WNBA).

*Which did you enjoy more, Bridget Jones's Diary or Mortal Kombat (the movie)?

*Do you like boobs? Elaborate on your favorites, provide images if possible.

*You arrive at the bar. What do you do first?
a) Go to the bar and get a pitcher to share with the group.
b) Find a place to sit and wait for the waitress so you can order yourself a Fuzzy Naval
c) Spot the hottest girl and stare at her, never losing sight of her for the rest of the night.
d) Immediately begin to complain about how this place sucks.

*You are a passenger in my car. Something by Bryan Adams comes on the radio, but I don't seem to have noticed. Do you...
a) Let it go. Never mess with another man's car stereo.
b) TURN THE FUCKIN' CHANNEL ASAP!
c) Start to sing along.

* Provide three (3) personal references in the following format.
Name
Address
Telephone Number
Relationship
Years Known

* Now write a short essay on why you would make a good friend.

Congratulations! You have taken the first steps toward becoming my New Best Friend. I will be carefully reviewing all applications and will be contacting people for interviews later this week.