mortality and technology

I have been depressed.

Sometimes it's easy to be depressed. Easier than it is to be jovial anyway. Depression hit me a few years ago when I was living alone and my girlfriend left me, and it relented until long after I was over her. But I have been past that for a long time, and while I am not generally happy about things like my job and living situation, I wouldn't say I have been depressed.

Birthdays are another time where it's easy to be down on oneself. My 25th birthday, that was June of last year, was especially bad. I didn't have a girl, just started a job I was not thrilled about, and felt like I had no chance at a good future whatsoever. But I got over it in a couple weeks when I came this close to hooking up with a really attractive girl when I was visiting my cousin in Chicago. And I'm sure the added confidence helped me when I met Melissa, and she has been fantastic for me, keeping me good and happy for this last year.

But about two weeks ago a strange thing happened to me. I was at work, doing nothing abnormal. I was walking from one station to another - a good 15 foot walk. I took a step and I heard a *pop* in my left hip. Ouch! And yeah, to make a long story short, I've been limping around ever since. I've seen a couple doctors, nothing shows up on x-ray. I've missed some work and even when I do go in I feel generally useless. This is where the depression sets in... I feel old; mortal. I used to be quite the athlete - I felt indestructable - and now I can barely stand to be on my feet for an hour. It's killing me from the inside right now but I think I'm healing, so things are looking up.

And things are definately looking up. I did something for me about a month ago; I bought myself a computer! It's pretty frickin' sweet, I'll spare the specs but it really moves. And games just look gorgeous on it. Half-Life 2 is especially fun (anyone out there play HL2? I'd love to get some Deathmatch going sometime). I suppose having a new computer to type on is what resparked my interest in my so-called blog here.

I also got a cell phone today. About 6 hours ago actually, and I couldn't be happier. I had a cell phone back in '99, but I fukt that up by not really paying for it (oops!). So I've gone without one since then, until I sprang the idea of a family plan on a few members of (you guessed it!) my family. If anyone out there is interested in having my phone number, just email me.

Oh yeah, and I have a picture of the gorgeous Melissa for you all.

the most loveliest person i know

I know what you're thinking, and I swear she is well above the legal age of consent.

Alright, I'm going to go download ringers or something, talk to you guys later.